I can’t sleep. I’ve been unable to sleep for the last 8 months. One of the things insomniacs (yours truly) have a habit is to count the days, months or years since they’ve finally gotten decent shut eye. For all of you, blissful people who keep sending me “Good night, sweet dreams” messages. STOP. All nights are the same and dreams? Pfft. I wish. Here’s a list of 6 things you should know about insomniacs.
NOTE: Insomnia is actually a condition, so for all of you new age hipsters, who think sleeping is a waste of time, count your blessings.
6. You’re never really awake.
As Edward Norton says ” With Insomnia nothing’s real. Everything’s far away. Everything’s a copy of a copy.” Now I know what all of you are thinking, that he had this completely awesome alter ego telling him, on how to live his life. That sounds fantastic sure, but I’m pretty sure no Tyler Durden is going to come of out of my head anytime soon.
If i drop soap on the floor, is the floor clean or the soap dirty?
5. We do not have super powers.
Apparently people have this belief that not being able to sleep is like a super power that has only been gifted to the chosen ones. Okay so let me point out here, that there’s a huge difference between fighting the urge to sleep and unable to. We’re just like you. Don’t call us special. Although being called ‘The Chosen One” does have a nice ring to it.
4. But what you must have so much free time..
Have you ever been jet lagged? You know after being on a 14 hour flight after being in transit for another couple of hours, and then some. Well try imagine having that feeling all the time, everything just moves on and drags along slowly for hours and hours. Let me phrase it in a much simpler way then, We’re too awake to rest and too tired to do anything else. Speaking of time..
God dammit Emperor Palpatine.
3. Time has no meaning anymore.
You’re life must be pretty balanced right? I mean, sure slacking off a bit is normal and everything, however you’re on a pretty good schedule, I hope. However, for me at least time has no meaning anymore. After sitting on my computer for a while, I look out through the window and Voila’! Daylight and before you even know it, it’s night. Although it does give us an insight into the lifestyle of flight attendants and the crew. We feel your pain.
HOOT! HOOT! Am i right, ladies?
2. It does miracles to your body. (lol jk)
People tell me that by not sleeping, you burn a tremendous amount of calories. Since you’re brain is still functioning a lot more than when you’re sleeping. What they don’t tell me is all the added benefits you get along with weight loss like depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, risk of heart disease, poor immune system etc etc. My personal favorite is of course all the paranoia.
AAAGGHGH!! That is way too much pressure, man!
1. You’re stuck in a time loop FOREVER
As humans, we are really big on the whole “Have a routine, stick by it” ideal. I mean it’s this ideal that allows us to be professionals in which ever field and allows us to do our jobs perfectly. I mean it’s embedded deep within our genes as well. So any change which has to occur in our life, even though it might be for the best, is met with rigid resistance. So when people say just snap out of it, get into your usual routine to a insomniac, like myself you’re basically asking me to go against the principles of human nature itself.
Clearly Joseph Gordon-Lewitt has it figured out. I mean, look at that face.
All I wanted to do, was just enlighten you all with the cons and only cons of Insomnia. We don’t want your sympathy as well, as that would imply we’re special. So all in all we just want you to understand. For your patience, in reading through my rant, here’s a pug living it up.